Back to the Garden Part 6: Narcissistic Desire and Romantic Love

by Curtis Lang		print version
		print version (graphics)

From a spiritual perspective, most sexual relations on planet Earth are narcissistic in nature, based upon karma, and rooted in the ego, the illusory self. They are the result of emotional and mental habits ingrained in us in this and former lifetimes. We often call these relationships “romantic".

Romantic relationships are unconsciously motivated, and so we may find ourselves in this type of love relationship wondering why we are behaving so strangely. We find the behavior of others equally illogical, equally mysterious.

From Venus Unbound by JSherry

These karmically-driven sexual relations operate in a similar fashion to clockwork mechanisms, unfolding according to an inner logic that we seem helpless to alter. This is why lovers so often say, “I couldn’t help myself! I didn’t want to hurt them! I didn’t want to suffer like that! I didn’t want to recreate the same failed relationship this time around! But there was nothing I could do to stop it!”

These habitual failed relationships stem from the seeds of karma we have sown in this and other lives through our attachments to sensual pleasures, our negative emotions, negative experiences with love, family role models, cultural conditioning concerning love relations, and negative mental attitudes about ourselves and about love.

Spiritually speaking, at the most basic level, all evil actions in the world, all isolation, all lack of love, stem from three sources: a closed heart, a poisoned mind, and a will encrusted with the demons of bad habit.

To open yourself to experience a love that enlivens, uplifts and brings joy to your life, do these things: purify your emotions, cleanse your mind, strengthen your will, and open your heart. We will be offering specific techniques to achieve these goals in later chapters of this book, under the sections entitled "partnerships" and "divine lovers". You may also find meditation techniques to help you take the first steps toward a Divine love, in  "Back to the Garden Part 4: Meditations on Self-Love" and "Back to the Garden, Part 5: Sunrise Meditation".

By the spiritual law of resonance and affinity, we attract love relationships with individuals who are on our own level of spiritual development. Thus, we share the same difficulties, imperfections and spiritual lessons. According to the laws of karma, we attract those love relations who can best help us to learn the difficult lessons about ourselves that will enable us to be free to love. Strong karma generates strong attraction between lovers, although this attraction can be in the form of a love/hate relationship, and often in destructive behavior.

Thus our loved ones are our best teachers. Our relationships with loved ones are all but guaranteed to be the most challenging relationships in our lives because, by definition, we have the most karma with these individuals.

Polaroid by Aline Mare 1978

To understand the seeds of karma, and how the egoistic personality, the illusory self, creates failed love relations like clockwork in our lives, it is helpful to understand the psychology of the illusory self and the spiritual origins of the illusory self as well. That is the topic of this discussion.

The vast majority of all sexual relations between human beings are based upon Eros and ego, physical attraction and mental inclinations, desire and greed. These sexual relations reflect the needs and desires of the egoistic personality. The evolution of most love relationships is directed by these egocentric desires rather than being guided by spiritual goals and a shared spiritual practice.

This is because most of us have not yet discarded the egoistic personality and attained true self-love, which puts the Higher Self in charge of every aspect of our lives.

When we succeed in the arduous task of transcending our personalities and recognizing our interdependence with the great web of life, when we achieve the great work of the alchemists, when we attain the Self-realization that is the goal of the most exalted yogis, when we reach the mountaintop of personal growth which psychologist C. G. Jung called "individuation", then we shall re-enter the Garden of Eden, where the fall of Adam and Eve triggered the war between the sexes, and at that point, we shall attain oneness with our love partner.

At that point, with paradise regained, we shall know the true nature of the Divine Lovers, and we shall truly have entered into a New Age.